I don't think voluntary suffering is ideal. I believe there are times when it's needed when you don't have another choice, but I am finding that those situations need to be reserved for loved ones, friends, and family. For things like a paycheck or advancement, I'm not sure if that's a good mindset to have. I think most times, it's a carrot on a string and nothing more.
I think importance changes as you get older. I believe acceptance of yourself does as well. At least, that's what I think I'm going through right now. I don't think I can sit around and believe and accept what is being presented to me by certain people anymore. Most would look at this as a negative, but I see it as a positive. I know in times like these, before, I would freak out and not know how to handle things. Now, I know the best course of action is to take care of myself and let everything else fall into place.
I spent far too much of my life as a people pleaser, and it made me feel bitter more than fulfilled. I think it's because those actions didn't come from a genuine place; they came from a position of obligation. As much as I would like to pretend that the things I do for others are always altruistic, I do recognize that sometimes I do things solely because I think that is what is expected of me, and that's not an ideal message to send to my son. It's not good to convey that messaging to anyone, really.
The thing I've constantly encountered in life is people who are willing to latch onto that kindness and suck it down like cheap wine. There's little enjoyment with me in those scenarios. I know there's a huge swath of lonely people out there, and they need something to latch onto, but I don't know if I can be that life preserver anymore. Definitely not for the number of people I have been recently. I think that role needs to be reserved for people I'm close to. The reasoning behind that logic is that when people genuinely know me and know where I'm coming from, I feel like the effort I put forth is appreciated on a different level.
I see a ton of changes coming on the horizon, and it's very surreal and scary at times. But, I promised myself that I'm going to be doing what's best for me going forward, and even though it's going to suck for a while, I know that I'll ultimately be better in the long run for investing in myself rather than others.