Baseball Blues - World Series Game 5 - Los Angeles Dodgers vs. New York Yankees (3-1)
The past four years / Baseball keeping you company / Buehler plays the part of Bulldog / The Title returns to Tinseltown / Farewell to the 2024 season
Pregame
Hello, and welcome. Here's hoping this is the last time we discuss baseball this season. As much as I love writing these and watching the games, I also want to win this series and move on with life. I was hoping that last night would be the clincher, but nothing worth having comes easy.
I woke up this morning feeling good. I went to bed somewhat early, and I slept until 2:26 or so. I woke up from a strange dream and then laid back down and got another hour of sleep. Things were good until I got to work and just hit a wall mentally. This healing stuff is hard. You hear the testimonials from people who deal with their depression or anxiety, and you build up hope that one day that will be you. When it doesn't come, it sucks. There are times when I think I'm past certain points but then issues pop up and there's some steps backward.
Baseball hasn't been depressing me lately. It sucks to lose, but we are still in a good position. Flaherty should be on point tonight. We are a possible nine innings away from another WORLD TITLE!
While baseball fills some of the void, it doesn't fill all of it. Neither does writing, or making money, or sex, or any of the stuff that you try to throw into the void. Marijuana does more than most, but you can't just smoke that shit all day.
For a while I abstained from smoking weed at all, and it was best sleep I had in years. I started smoking regularly again around Thanksgiving of last year, but I still don't like smoking every day. It's horrible for writing and I also don't want to be stoned around Cisco. Plus, that is just temporary relief. It's not real.
After doing therapy for years and working on my mental health for so long, I don't know if there is a permanent fix. I think you just slowly get better, but it never gets to a point where it feels like things are okay.
I think I discount how bad things used to be when I was younger. Or how deep of an impact those events left on me. Most of the time I was entertaining myself or spending time with other families rather than my own. It got me used to being isolated. But what sucks is that when I got older and realized that I needed a support group or friends around, there were none. When Marissa and I split, I didn't have many people around to keep me propped up. That caused me to isolate once more, this time while working remotely from home. It's made forming connections hard, but there have been some successes with making friends. For some reason, the losses and setbacks stick out more.
I was thinking about the last World Series the Dodgers were in and how much turmoil my life was in during that time. I hate writing about my ex on here, because I don't want to have this be some weird hate piece about her. Marissa is a great mother to my son. For a while, we were best friends, but those final four years we were with one another were not healthy or fun.
I remember watching that final game and Urias getting the final out. I jumped up from my seat and felt this wave of emotions flowing over me. The summer was particularly hard, and a few months before that Series I had decided that Marissa and I should split up. Francisco was jumping around, throwing my Dodgers hat that he was wearing that night up in the air over and over. Meanwhile, Marissa sat on the couch glaring at me. I remember wondering why she was so mad, but I knew the answer back then. The anger she had was over our relationship falling apart. It was too much at times. I get it. It must have sucked to invest so much time into something only for it not to work out. I felt the same way too. But I didn’t want to live in a house where we didn’t want to be around one another. I lived like that as a kid, and I don’t want to continue that trend as an adult.
It's been four years since then. During that time I moved out and started living by myself for the first time in years, my father passed, there was a huge blowup with my siblings, I left the place I was working at for years, started getting more freelance work, created a website and this newsletter, got a new job that I'm still at, and I also spent tons of hours in therapy. When I step back and look at it all, I get emotional. The help didn’t come in abundance. It was my best friend, Lewis, my mom, two other guys I used to wrestle with years ago, two different therapists, and a few friends I've made along the way. That was it.
I guess looking at it now, it's pretty powerful. Plus, things haven't been all bad. There's been baseball to hold me over.
Anyone in my position would probably become obsessed with escaping into their hobbies like I did. It's something to look forward to every night. I feel it waiting for me. It's not a lover or a wife. It's seasonal. It's not a replacement. But it works. It gets the job done. It's safer than other things I've jumped into that numb me.
It still isn't the answer to loneliness or depression. It's a Band-Aid that eventually falls off and requires a new one.
It's still an awesome bandage. It keeps me company. It gives me hope and makes me frustrated. It's almost like a relationship. An unhealthy one, but still, a relationship. I suppose when you have a pattern of unhealthy relationships, adding another one isn't so bad.
Plus, things have been good baseball-wise. Maybe it's a sign that things will be better soon?
Last night was a good metaphor for life. Sometimes you are on the precipice of something great, only to get knocked back. How do you react? Do you falter, or do you keep going? We all face situations like that.
I shouldn't feel so lousy about the past four years. I've realized that. I should be proud of myself for surviving. Starting over is hard, and when it's the third or fourth one, man... But what else can I do? I just keep picking myself up, dusting myself off, and getting back on the field.
Anyway, onward and upward. Let's go out there and get that ring tonight.
World Series Game 5 - Los Angeles Dodgers vs. New York Yankees
I hate this game. It's been back and forth, but for stupid reasons and I don't think I've ever seen a World Series game that was this sloppy. I would compare it to Game 1 as such: as much as I loved that game, I hate this game.
The 5th inning was something to see. I can't believe New York did that poorly. Once Judge dropped that fly ball it avalanched into two more blunders. I thought the Yankees had quit until Stanton hit that sacrifice fly. Now we have to come from behind again.
That weird 5th inning had me thinking this was over. New York woke up after messing up and are now once again on the verge of taking this series back to LA. Cole especially has looked good. Both of his outings against Los Angeles were impressive. It was the rest of the team that didn't back him up in both.
I foresee us heading back to LA after this game.
Postgame
I was wrong!
What a game. I know earlier I said this was the dumbest game I've ever watched, but it kept me on the edge of my seat, and the better team won.
As much as I respect the Yankees as a team, they quit tonight. Aaron Judge dropped that fly ball, and all hell broke loose. The inning could have ended multiple times, but it felt like everyone was looking for others to make plays rather than doing what comes naturally. It fucked the game alongside the entire series. They had the momentum in their favor. I know they were facing elimination, and that adds to the pressure, but all they had to do was get through that inning.
Looking at the rest of Cole's performance tonight, they would have won. He was pitching a great game. But he isn't innocent either. I don't know how he didn't think covering first wasn't needed on the slow roller. It was boneheaded. There's no excuse for that kind of play. The entire 5th was avoidable. The only reason they couldn't end it was because they folded, which is odd to see after they came roaring back like they did.
I've written about momentum shifts in baseball, and how they can impact an entire game or series. That's exactly what happened here. NY was in control, rolling along and about to force a trip back to LA. Then... Disaster. They just couldn't stop the train.
I love that Walker Buehler came out and closed out the game. Walker deserves to have his name up there with Dodger greats like Koufax after the 2024 Postseason. During the regular season, it was doubtful if he would even make the playoff roster. When Kershaw and Glasnow went down, we didn’t even know if we would have enough people for a starting rotation. Walker shut everyone up with multiple incredible performances.
Ohtani was not as great as everyone hope he would be during the Series, but that shoulder injury as well as good scouting from the Yankees did the job. The issue they ran into was the other two guys who were batting behind him. There was no answer for Freddie Freeman. For some reason, everyone thought jamming him inside with fastballs was a good idea, and he kept on putting it over the fence.
What a great postseason. It was a great run of games, and it had the conclusion that I was hoping the most for. Not all is right in the world, but the Dodgers are World Champions and will be so until next year.
Things will be different again. The Athletics will be in West Sacramento. The Polar Bear and Soto could be in different uniforms. Paul Skenes will be pitching with a year under his belt. Ohtani goes back to the mound. Life moves on. The ever-flowing river rages.
When I first started writing about tonight's game, I was saying how lonely it has been for me. It was like that during this season, but it wasn't like that's entirely a bad thing. It's nice to have freedom. It's nice to watch baseball games next to people who want to be there. It's better than the alternative. I have new problems to deal with, but they aren't the ones I was dealing with previously. That's progress. Much like baseball, nothing will ever be perfect, and there will always another game to play. The next season will always roll around. That's the way life works.
When I look back at the past four years, yeah it sucks, but I got through it. By myself. The rent's being paid, the lights are on, there's clothes on our backs, there's food in the fridge. Nights are filled with the sounds of baseball games. I'm writing all the time. The Dodgers are World Series title holders. Things get bad and then they get good. It's the circle of life.
That's it for this season. It's been fun following the boys in blue, but yet again, we pack it up and go home for the rest of the fall and winter, only to return once the flowers begin to bloom. Who knows what that will hold. Until then, it's about time to sit back, kick those feet up, put on some Randy Newman, and reflect on an amazing season of baseball. Be safe, be well, and do your best to remember, there's always next year.